Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
