Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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