a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
