i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
