Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
