Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
