He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
