I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
