i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
