Kiss
Puke
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
