I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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