I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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