apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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