I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
