i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
