And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
