I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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