I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize