He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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