Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
