My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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