And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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