capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
