Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
