i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
