My liver just broke up with me...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
