i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize