so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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