I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize