I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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