I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
