if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
