Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
