He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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