During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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