yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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