You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
