just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
