It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
