I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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