I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
