omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
