I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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