Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Farmville is her only friend.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
