Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
