Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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