They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
