Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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