"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
