And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize