a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
