I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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