So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
