Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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