i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
