Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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