escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
