I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
