yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
