I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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