She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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