I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
