Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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