Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
