dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
