his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Say something about gay babies.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
