I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
