You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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