I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
