OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
