Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
