Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
