I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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