I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
