i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
