I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
try to milk me bitch
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