Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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