So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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