grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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